so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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