I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
