Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
