we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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