Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
