Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
