i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
