Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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