Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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