Need sex. Gaining weight.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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