At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
