okay pat passed out under dana's car
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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