the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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