I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
