I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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