Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
