I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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