Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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