I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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