Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
