When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
3pm strippers are depressing
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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