His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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