so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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