nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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