I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My ass is underappreciated
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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