your thong is hanging out like whoa
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
