you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
