when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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