I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
