At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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