i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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