Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
