Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
