I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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