dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
