If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
