well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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