I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
