Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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