if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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