I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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