I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish I could teleport
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
