He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
