i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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