What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
