Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
