So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
