Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
