The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
