You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
