I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
